Today has been one of those days, when you look around and nothing is familiar. It does not matter how long you have talked, attended, or met something. Everything is an unrecognizable blur.

It started out normal. Woke up, ate left over pizza, walked to the Cranney's, slept on the road to Seminary, went to seminary, walk to school. See nothing to interesting so far. The day continued in a normal pattern of english, swimming, and lunch. I ate by myself awkwardly, talking to few, passing out of  the minds and sights of my peers. 

After lunch I walk up to chat with Sarah and Kim, when Andrea( a boy. if you can believe it) comes up to me, hugs me, pushes me around in his uncomfortable hug, and I land by my locker. Describing Andrea is hard, but yet not so hard. Imagine with me: Sleazy italian, long dirty blonde hair, tight Gucci pants, and a Ralph Lauren Polo. He is the equivalent to all the sterotypes of mean rich private school boys, minus the uniform.

Having the stupid idiot "blushing" gene I seem to possess, my cheeks begin to unpleasantly burn. I did not blush because I liked him (ewww), I did not blush because I secretly liked it ( again eww), I just did it because I was embarassed and uncomfortable. Gitit ( Blonde annoying Israeli girl) shouts 'AHHH! SHE'S BLUSHING!!!" I wanted to die. I turn quickly to the lock dangling from my locker , and begin to twist the knob. Andre shouts "But I love you" "you are beautiful" ."Why don't you like me????" down the halls. When I pull out my middle finger and blare it at him, in all its skinny glory. 

Y'all know me. I am not the middle finger type of girl. I instantly regreted it. I hated myself for sinking to the depths of the middle finger. I should have shook off the anger, and went to Chemistry. I hated how I so quickly gave in to the middle finger. I should have shown him that I can be the mature one, and ignore him. Now I have that sick guilty feeling, and I am fillled with self loathing.

Andre then shouts down the hall (SO EVERYONE HEARS) "ALLYSON IS SUCH A B****! DON'T HANG OUT WITH HER!!!"

I feel sick. I hate these kids sometimes. I really do, I feel angry, jealous, and just plain stupid sometimes at this school. 

Then Slava ( ANOTHER MEAN IDIOT) moved to sit by me in Chemistry. The whole class he made comments about how retarded and stupid I was. Usually I can handle it. Last week Slava threw a ball at my face ad called me a retard. I ignored that.

I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

GET ME OUT.

I AM  TRAPPED WITH THE SLUTTIEST, MEANEST, RICHEST, MOST AWFUL KIDS.

Please. I just want to serve my time. Then leave for college.

Music that completes me.
Read and Listen.
But mostly just enjoy.

Favorite Happy Songs:
Love Song - Sara Barelilles
Cheated Hearts - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
10 cent Blues - Eisley
Brightly Wound - Eisley
My Moon My Man - Feist
Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
Far Away - Ingrid Michaelson
Wish I - Jem
Supermodel - Jill Sobule
Wash Away - Joe Purdy
I Love the Rain Most - Joe Purdy
We Get On - Kate Nash
Sams Town  - Killers
Change Your Mind - Killers
Naieve - The Kooks
Grace Kelly - Mika
Spiderwebs - No Doubt
Music Box - Regina Spektor
That Time - Regina Spektor
Folding Chair - Regina Spektor
If It Were Up To Me - Rooney
I'm Shakin' - Rooney
Sister Kate - The Ditty Bops
Sound of Settling - Death Cab For Cutie
Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie
Sister Jack - Spoon
Number 1 - Goldfrapp
Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake
Diplo Rhythm - Diplo
Crash - Gwen Stefani
This Boy - Franz Ferdinand
BYOS - Regina Spektor

Favorite Mellow Songs:
Raindrops - Regina Spektor
Reading Time With Pickle - Regina Spektor
Somewhere Only We Know - Keane
So Nice So Smart - Kimya Dawson
Seaside - The Kooks
Clean Getaway - Maria Taylor
Shiver - Coldplay
Challengers - The New Pornographers
Eyes - Rogue Wave
Highschool - The Watson Twins
I Summon You - Spoon
November - Azure Ray
Sleep - Azure Ray
Lilly Dreams On - Cotton Mather
Paper Bag - Fiona Apple

Songs I Can't Believe I Acutally Like:
Don't Stop The Music - Rihanna
One,Two,Step - Ciara
Lip Gloss - Lil' Mama
Our Lips Are Sealed - Hillary & Haylie Duff
Sugar Were Going Down - Fall out Boy
Vampire - Antsy Pants
Absolutley (Story of a Girl) - Nine Days
Pump It - Black Eyes Peas

Depressing Songs:
Lack of Color - Death Cab For Cutie
Translaticism - Death Cab For Cutie
Scientist - Coldplay
In My Place - Coldplay
The Dumbing Down Of Love
My Skin - Natalie Merchant
Sweet Surrender - Sarah Mclachlan
Timothy - Jet
Black Butterfly - Laura Veirs
Swans - Unkle Bob
Telephone Wires - Mirah
I Can't Take It - Tegan and Sara
Go Sadness- Shout Out Louds
9 Crimes - Damien Rice
Trouble - Cat Stevens
Run - Snow Patrol
Glass - Ingrid Michaelson
The Great Escape - Patrick Watson
You Turn Me Around - Aqualong
Vienna - Billy Joel
Country Mile - Camera Obscura
Oedipus - Regina Spektor
Breakdown - Jack Johnson


Favorite Love Songs:
Can't Hurry Love - The Concretes
Yellow - Coldplay
Painting by Chagall - The Weepies
Real Love - Regina Spektor
Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches
Friday Im In Love - The Cure
Go Away - Eisley
Fidelity - Regina Spektor
1234 - Feist
Eleanor Put Your Boots On - Franz Ferdinand
I'd Rather Be in Love - Michelle Branch
The Hat - Ingrid Michaelson
Wild Horses - The Sundays
Hearts - Stars
Elevator Love Letter - Stars
Sway - The Perishers
Save Ginny Weasley From Dean Thomas - Harry and the Potters
Here (In your arms) - Hellogoodbye
Its Good To Be In Love - Frou Frou
Better Together - Jack Johnson
Back In Your Head - Tegan and Sara
Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Being in Russia, makes it impossible to watch American TV. I Have not seen Lost. Nor will I be able too,unless I want to hunt around for a low quality copy on youtube, or they put it on iTunes.

Please refrain from talking openly about Lost or other TV shows.

Now leave me to dwindle in lonliness, in my T.V deprived country.

There is no word in the English language to describe the feelings I feel, about the dreaded Exams. I know I know, I am in Highschool why should it matter? because its 20% of my final grade and the Highschool concilors have been scaring me with College,PSATS, and that awful"What If game, in which you are the "Fry Guy" at McDonalds.

Exams are a HUGE deal here. Way more then they ever were at Westview. These consist of every topic,word,formula, and literary technique you stuffed into your brain in SEPTEMBER. Its for the whole QUARTER! Gah! I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast!

Good Luck on your exams, I know I want some for me too.

I don't want to do anything. I know I should go to the gym, write my talk for church, study. Study for the heartless hopelessness that is my Physics final. I have had three wonderful weeks of winter break, and as it comes to the close I become more and more stressed. I can feel my carefree soul leaving me, the rigid nervous increasingly crazy one left behind, to go back to the pits of academic death. High school. 

Today I will go to the gym, eat a grilled cheese, watch some tv, and then go to Xan's house to study for the final-which-must-not-be-named. Then a gathering of a wholesome "game night" which will either leave me homesick or thoughtful. 

I am reading "The Diving Bell and the Buttferfly" which is incredible. I encourage all of you to pick it up. Its a true story about Jean Dominique Bauby - french editor of Elle who at 43 years old had a heart attack which left him in "locked in syndrome" he wrote this sweet little book by blinking the letters. It has just become a movie, which I am dying to see, y'all should watch the trailer at 
http://www.apple.com/trailers/miramax/thedivingbellandthebutterfly/

kisses. hugs.
Ally

P.S check out my awesome layout Rachel made me! Its soooperly cute.

Okay Folks. Here it is. The end of 2007. Can you believe it? I know I can't. I began this year at Westview in Oregon, now I am in Russia 

Yowza.

I have posted my New Year Resolutions from last year and put stars on the ones I have completed.

* Go to gym three times a week + Pilates - I somewhat achieved this one. My lean mean pilates body has gone all soft, but I still do make it to the gym sometimes.

* Eat healthy - I grew to love Museli and Vegatables. Does that count?

Play a team sport - Didn't do any. Boo on me.

* Make new friends and keep old ones - Yeah...made some new crappy ones, and some keepers. Still friends with good ol' Chelsea, Leah, Laurel, and Laura. : )

* STOP BEING TARDY TO ALGEBRA! - This year I am Miss Goody when it comes to being on time. Last year I was pretty rebelious getting Bagels instead of going to Algebra.

 Do more Personal Progress and read D&C - Moving to Russia kinda threw me off. I almost got that silver medallion : (

Achieve  inner peace and Self confidence - NIET. STILL A SELF LOATHING TEENAGER.

* Conquer fear of Scary Movies - I watched the Sixth Sense without crying.

* Being nice to EVERYONE! - Hmmm....I think so??

* Learn how to apply eyeliner - OH YES! I AM MISS SEXY IN COVERGIRLS EASY APPLY EYELINER!

Learn how to spell deffinately properly - nope. still spell like a 4th grader.

* Have perfect soft acne free skin - The skin is better! thanks to a free subscription to Allure and Cetaphill my skin is doing much better.

I miss American TV. You have no idea.